If a tree falls in the backyard...

       Alex's brother and sister-in-law came over on Saturday. Chris and Audra have been great friends to us since we've been married, and we try to meet up with them about once a month to catch up and talk about life. They were both there the morning that Kaitlyn was born, and had been around as much as their jobs allowed the rest of the week.

       We had this really gorgeous Bradford Pear tree in our back yard that was planted the same time the house was built about 15 years ago. When Alex went off to Flight Medic school two years ago, the tree decided that was the perfect time to splinter off about a third of its trunk and I had the priviledge of chopping up all that wood with a handsaw because I was too chicken to use the chainsaw by myself. We debated then about taking down the tree, but we decided to see if it would last a little longer since it was kind of the main attraction in the back yard and the leaves changed color really nicely in the fall. Well the Bradford Pear decided that it had stood as 2/3 of a tree for long enough, and another third fell down the Saturday that Chris and Audra were there. Of course, the boys decided to take the chainsaw out and get it all cut up, and that left Audra and I alone to have some quality sister time.

       When we first got pregnant with Kaitlyn, we knew we wanted to tell Chris and Audra face to face because they had shared with us that they had been trying to get pregnant for a while and we not successful. I told Alex we needed to be very considerate of their feelings, because I didn't want to rub it in that we were able to get what they had been trying for. When we told them, they were both excited for us and told us they couldn't wait to meet their new niece or nephew. I appreciated their reaction, but still felt a little sad because I wanted them to be able to have a successful pregnancy, too. They have since told us that they are looking into adoption, and we are excited to support them no matter which way their family grows.

        While the boys were out chopping the tree down, I started talking to Audra about Alex's sister who has two little girls of her own. For those of you who don't know us personally, my husband has kids from a previous marriage that ended in a nasty divorce and unfortunately we are not allowed to see his kids or have a relationship with them because of their mom. I told Audra that I really had to stop myself from comparing my stillbirth with his ex's successful pregnancies, and how bitterness had been trying to creep in on me all week. We have a picture of his kids on our fridge from the last time we saw them, and earlier that week I had looked at that picture and just broke down. Audra shared with me that she had battled the same demon when it came to Alex and Chris' sister. She told me that when she and Chris were trying to get pregnant, his sister had come up pregnant with her second little girl that was not planned in any way. Audra told me that she had cried a lot of "bitter tears" over that fact, and that she had to really work to keep herself from giving in to bitterness and jealousy. 

         Audra confided in me a lot that day, and it was encouraging to me to hear how she had overcome her bouts of bitterness to be a great aunt to those two little girls. I look to her as a great example of who I'd like to be until we are able to start our family successfully. And who knows, maybe God will bless us with coinciding pregnancies...