The parade of visitors

9.19.13

     Thursday is a blur of visitors coming and going to me. Here is my facebook post from that day:

Hello Facebook family,
Thank you all for all the prayers yesterday and today. Alex and I are absolutely devastated by the loss of our beautiful daughter, Kaitlyn Sophia Munoz.
When we arrived at the hospital yesterday morning, we were in pre-op getting all hooked up with IV's and monitors when the nursing staff had a hard time locating Kaitlyn's heart beat. Those of you that have been around me during the pregnancy know that I have always joked about Kaitlyn being stubborn and I was joking with the nurses and with Alex about her being stubborn about not coming out and trying to hide from us. After about four different nurses came in, they decided to call my OB and have her come in to do a sono to locate the heart rate. When Dr. Bellanger got there, she was doing the scan and did a quick run over the chest cavity. I saw it then, and I knew in my gut something was wrong, but I kept myself calm by thinking, "she's still looking, she's still looking." I think she was trying to gather herself to tell me what I already knew. One more pass over the chest to double check, and she finally turned to me and said, "There's no heart beat." Our sweet baby Kaitlyn had already gone to be with Jesus.
After the c section, we got to spend a couple of hours with baby girl before they needed to take her away. We got to put her in her bedazzled "going home" outfit before they took her. We still can't believe this has happened, and the only thing that comforts us is knowing without a doubt that our baby is in Heaven with all of the friends and family that have gone before us.
I wanted to say thank you to those of you who came to be with us yesterday. You will never know how much your physical presence is a comfort to us, and we appreciate you taking the time to stop by. We welcome any of you who may want to stop by today or tomorrow, sometimes just a big hug can really remind us that we are not alone in this, and there are no words to express our gratitude.
We will be having a memorial service on Saturday at 10:30 at Hope Fellowship in Frisco as long as I am discharged tomorrow. — with Jenny Williamson and 9 others.

       I still can't express in words how much the physical hugs meant to me. To see people that have been my family in Dallas for the last five years take time out of their schedules to come and see us still makes me get a little teary eyed. 
       David started making a habit of stopping by every day, helping himself to a cup of coffee, and turning on Sports Center. This just cracked me up for some reason, and my parents really loved it that he continued  to make himself at home with our family. Alex was helping me get moving out of the bed, and I was FINALLY allowed to take a shower. I was so happy to be able to wash off and put some makeup on, as silly as that sounds.
        The rest of the day was filled with people coming and going. I would love to sit and tell you every conversation that I had with each person that stopped by, but I doubt that anyone would take the time to read them. Instead I'll just tell you some of the most vivid memories I have, and know that if you stopped by and I didn't write about you, I still love you very much and appreciate your presence.

Jan:
        Jan is a lady I have never met before in my life, but she knew my parents from Midland and her husband had worked with my Dad before on some community projects. Jan will always be incredibly special to me, because she came in and spoke to my heart in a way that very few people were able to do. Jan had buried her son, Chris, when he was about 8 or 9, and their family had built a park in Midland that I use to play on when I was little. The park was designed for handicapped kids, and I loved going there growing up. Jan was able to sit and speak with me as a mother who had said good-bye to her child way too early, and that conversation is one that I will hold dear to my heart forever. Jan also brought a gift that touched me deeply, it is a silver bracelet from James Avery that says, "I can do all things in Him who strengthens me." She gave my mom the same bracelet, and told us to get them engraved with Kaitlyn's name or whatever we wanted to. This bracelet will always be special to me because of what it represents, but also because of who gave it to me.

Courtney:
       Courtney is one of the nurses that I work with, and she has always stood out to me because of her compassion and her West Texas swag. She gives some of the best hugs, and I love that we bonded over being from the West, and I even grew up going to church with her cousin. Small world. Courtney brought me a pink heart pillow that is probably about 10 inches by 10 inches. Its super soft, and it reminds me of one of the changing pad covers that I bought to go in Kaitlyn's room. On the front of the heart, it has a tag that says, "Faith, Love, Peace, Hope", and it came with a cute charm that just says, "hope". This pillow has been a big comfort to me, and its sitting in my lap even as I write this. I held the heart over my C-section incision when I coughed to keep it from hurting, and now when I sleep I hold it over my incision so that when I turn over it the pressure from it keeps my incision from hurting. Kaitlyn would have loved this pillow.

Elizabeth:
       Elizabeth is another girl I work with, and we've gone to the same church for a few years and shared our faith and struggles with each other. First off, "E", as I call her, has a 7 week old baby boy at home at this point. For her to take the time to get away from her newborn as well as her toddler to come see me is such an amazing thing to me.
        E didn't bring anything, but her words to me were so comforting that I had to write about her. E is another momma who spoke to my heart and soul, and she reminded me that God has a plan, and that I need to trust him. She also said (I think a few times, or it just echoes in my mind), that I did nothing wrong, and that anything in my head that is telling me different is from evil. She told me to NOT listen to that voice in my head saying "If only... If only..." because that is Satan trying to use this to break me (which at this point, was totally possible with just a little shove). I had, and have, been struggling with the "What ifs", because as I said in a previous post, my baby girl was fine 8 days before we came in. If only... I had let the surgery be scheduled on the previous Wednesday. If only... I had listened to my inner instinct when I felt Kaitlyn's movements slow down and gone to the doctor. If only... I had had a normal birth and was holding my baby girl now. 

       Everyone wants to say that I am "so strong" and that they are impressed with my strength. Let me let you in on a little secret: I am a complete wreck. I have break downs, I cry at the dumbest things, and I am NOT strong. I am completely weak. 

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.
2 Corinthians 12:9