Between visitors, naps, and eating, Alex and I sat down and started planning the memorial service for our daughter.
I had never been so stuck in deciding what I wanted. I wasn't prepared in any way to plan a memorial service; I never thought I would be here. The one thing that I knew is that I wanted one song in particular sung at the service, and I would like it done live. Our pastor's daughter is one of the lead singers in the band at our church, and she agreed to come sing at the service (bless her, bless her, bless her). I have never met her in person or talked to her, but her gracious spirit lead her to do this for us. Charlie and Becky's daughter, Dana, who I fondly call my "little sister", also agreed to come and play the piano for the song. I'm amazed at her strength to do this, because she knows Alex and I so well and I imagine it was all she could do to not cry as she played on Saturday.
Here are the lyrics from the song that opened the service, and this is the song that I sang when Alex was first deployed so I know it was one of Kaitlyn's favorites. At the beginning of my pregnancy, I was facing the decision to start a new job (and leave behind some of my favorite people), a 9 month deployment of my husband, and a pregnancy that I had no idea what to expect with.
"God I look to you" by Jenn Johnson
God I look to you
I won't be overwhelmed
Give me vision
To see things like you do
God I look to you
You're where my help comes from
Give me wisdom
You know just what to do
I will love you, Lord my strength
I will love you, Lord my shield
I will love you, Lord my rock
Forever all my days, I will love you, God.
Hallelujah, our God reigns
Hallelujah, our God reigns
Hallelujah, our God reigns
Forever all our my days, Hallelujah
I put in bold the phrases that really stand out to me, and now mean more to me than ever.
Alex wanted the song "Awakening" by Chris Tomlin. Here are the lyrics to that song:
Awakening
Holy spirit, we desire
Awakening
For You and You alone
Awake my soul, awake my soul, and sing
For the world you love
Your will be done, let Your will be done in me
In Your presence, in Your power
Awakening
For this moment, for this hour
Awakening
For You and You alone
Awake my soul, awake my soul, and sing
For the world you love
Your will be done, let Your will be done in me
Like the rising sun that shines
From the darkness comes a light
I hear Your voice and this is my
Awakening
Like the rising sun that shines
From the darkness comes a light
I hear Your voice and this is my
Awakening
Like the rising sun that shines
Awake my soul, awake my soul and sing
From the darkness comes a light
Awake my soul, awake my soul and sing
Like the rising sun that shines
Awake my soul, Awake my soul and sing
From the darkness comes a light
Awake my soul, awake my soul and sing
Just typing out the lyrics to the Chris Tomlin song made me start crying. I absolutely love that song and I hope the angels were singing it when my baby girl entered into Heaven to meet her maker.
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