The Radiant conference part I

2.27.14

    Last fall, my Mom had sent me an invite to the Radiant Conference at a church in Round Rock. The key speakers were Priscilla Shirer and Lisa Bevere, two of the most influential authors to me in a very defining moment of my life. I'm not going to lie, at first I was hesitant. The conference was from Thursday night to Saturday, so I knew I would have to take off a few days from work. But my Mom is persistent, and after a few days of my hesitation, she bought us both tickets before the price could go up (yay Mom!).

    On Thursday, I worked in the morning, and then loaded up the car with the dogs and headed on down to Austin. I was excited. My Mom got there early, and she had gotten our bracelets that served as our entrance passes.
     I had brought just about every book in my arsenal that had anything to do with either of them: Girls With Swords (obviously), Life Interrupted by Shirer, and Lioness Arising by Bevere. I was stoked about getting my books signed, and hopefully getting the chance to tell these two women how much they meant to me in the depth of my despair and how much God used their work to drag me back to life. I wanted to tell them, in person, that their work meant something.
     I got to Round Rock a little bit early, so I sat down and decided to write each Priscilla and Lisa a note. I figured that if I got in front of them, I may just break down and start crying because our story is just so... raw still, and I didn't want to take too much of their time. I'm sure there would be a lot of ladies there and these two writers are pretty big deals, so I didn't want to be disrespectful of their time or of anyone else's desire to see them.

By the way, I stole that sign off from Erin, she always signs

her emails and blogposts like that. It seemed appropriate

and I don't think Erin would mind.

    I was so excited to get to give these ladies these notes. I felt like I did a good job consolidating what is, at the moment, 147 blog posts of thoughts and grief and courage. 

    When we arrived at the church that night, I was shocked at how many people were there. Like all conferences, they have the tables set up where the speakers can display their books for people to buy. Mom and I perused the books, picked up a few t-shirts, and headed to the check out. It was here where I found some of the women that were volunteering from the church to help run the conference.

     "Do you guys know when they are doing book signings?" I asked as she ran my credit card.

     "Umm... I don't know... Hey, did you hear anything about book signings?" she asked the lady next to her.

      "Nope, haven't heard anything," the other lady replied.

      "No worries," I said as she handed me my bag of goodies. "I'm sure they'll announce it." 

      What does my generation do when there's a question about a schedule? Why, take it to twitter, of course!

      Me: "@RadiantConf Will @PriscillaShirer and @LisaBevere be signing books? I have something for both of them- pretty please!" (Can't get what you want without honey, you know...)

      @RadiantConf: "(mytwittername) no book signings but plenty of the presence of God! Plus lots of resources and giveaways!"

      Me: "@Radiantconf No worries- I will mail to their respective orgs what I have for them! Thanks for the response!"

      Even now as I re-type that, I make a face. I was disappointed, I'm not going to lie. I wanted these girls to know that they helped me. That God used their ministry in such a dark time of my life. Didn't this person understand that this was important? I was severely disappointed. But then I decided to shift my perspective (pretty much the only thing I have control over), and I decided that it just wasn't meant to be. I decided that I was here because they were going to say something important that I needed to hear, and not to sign a book. 

I was still disappointed. 

       

     During worship that night, I had a heart-to-heart with God about my disappointment. I told him flat out that I had hoped to meet these women, and that I was sad that I wouldn't have the opportunity. And then I said to Him, "Okay God, this weekend is about me and you. This is about us, and I know that you are going to tell me something important. I wouldn't be here if it weren't for You, so I am trusting that you will use me how you need to this weekend. Just me and You this weekend, just me and You."