About 9pm on Tuesday I was a complete wreck. I didn't want to go back to work. I didn't want to have to face everyone again. I wanted to continue to live in my bubble of the house and my daily routine of nothingness. I had spent time in the nursery again that day, and I had put pressure on myself to put some of K's things away. I went and sat in the rocker and rocked for about an hour, just thinking about everything that was about to happen.
I had spent some time in the Word that day getting prepped for the next morning. I had my notecards of verses written out on neon 3 by 5s. I still felt anxious. I know I'm not suppose to be anxious, but I am being honest here.
I decided to try to wind down by reading some more in the Girls with Swords book by Lisa Bevere. There is an entire chapter in this book titled, "You might be a hero", and one of the quotes that Lisa cites is:
We can be in our day what the heroes of faith were in their day-
But remember, at the time they didn't know they were heroes.
A.W. Tozer
Okay, I feel a little bolder. I continued reading. Later, Lisa says, "Heroes are always brave, but don't imagine that always brave translates into never afraid." Oh my! Okay. Feeling bolder! Lisa wrote one more time (specifically to me, if you didn't know) "It seems right now a nightmare obscures our Lord's most worthwhile and glorious dream." OKAY! I got it! I am a courageous hero warrior of God and I don't need to be afraid because this is all part of God's plan! Got it!
I was able to fall asleep and sleep somewhat well with the confidence that God had given me through his word and through Lisa's book. I was able to have peace as I drifted off to sleep.
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