The Retreat Part II

2.8.14

    Saturday was filled with a few "sessions" where Erin would teach from The Word and we would sing praise songs together. Sandra McCracken and L.E. Taylor were our two worship leaders, and it was pretty awesome to get to hear their stories as they lead us in singing.
    We had the option of joining a few small groups about various topics, and I went to the one about marriage because I wanted to be aware of the struggles that losing a child puts on a couple. Alex has grieved Kaitlyn very differently than I have, just as any man would. So to talk to other moms about this difficulty helped me tremendously.
     After the small groups, they did a panel-like discussion where we could submit questions. My favorite part of the afternoon was when Sarah took a question regarding sex after loss.
     "Ladies, I'm just going to say it: you're always a wife first, and a mom second," she said, looking around the room at each of our faces. "You have to remember that sex is from God, and that it can be one of the most healing things for your marriage right now."

      That afternoon, we had a couple hour break. Some of the girls decided to break off and go take naps or explore the camp grounds, but I wanted to head to the prayer room. The leaders had made these cute little mason jars with our baby's name and our names on them and had left out scrap paper for us to write encouragements to others in there.

Here's my mason jar

      I spent half of the time in the afternoon writing notes to other girls that I had met, like Elyse, but then miss Kellye came in the Prayer room to see what's up.

      "Hey Kellye, do you know if the leaders have a jar somewhere?" I asked her when she came in.

      "Hmmmm No I don't think they do, but that's a great idea! Let me whip some up real quick," she replied, oblivious to the fact that any kind of creativity like what is above would have taken a normal person hours to complete but she could do it in about 15 minutes. She curled up with her glue gun and extra mason jars on the far end of the room.

       "This music is awesome, did you put it on?" she asked me.

       "Yeah, I did. It was to quiet in here." I answered her. "Hang on, I totally have to share this song with you, its helped me so much and its from this local artist Amber Rhoads." 

      I played for Kellye a song that has been so incredibly special and healing to me. I first heard Amber sing at a conference at our home church last July. Jenny and I had gone to hear the Christian comedian Anita Renfroe, and Amber was the guest singer. I immediately downloaded her album. The first three songs are really peppy and fun, and I use to sing them to Kaitlyn on our way to work or wherever. The last three songs, however, had much more spiritual meat to them, and I finally listened to the title song, "Broken Beautiful."

Broken Beautiful Written by Amber Rhoads & Mia Fieldes Verse 1: Hello God. Are You there? Can You hear my prayer? Cause I’m waiting. Hello God. Are You here? Can You see my tears while I’m waiting? Channel: There’s a lot I’ve had to lay down and I’m weary. There’s a lot that hasn’t worked out. But somehow … Chorus: I’ll trade my sorrow for a joy that’s full. My disappointment for something so good. Lay down my doubting and all the hurt I hold. You make broken beautiful. Verse 2: So God, here I am and I trust Your plan though I’m waiting. Oh God, even if I never feel You here, I’ll keep waiting. Channel: There’s a lot I don’t understand, but I know You meet me right where I am and so now …

Chorus: I’ll trade my sorrow for a joy that’s full. My disappointment for something so good. Lay down my doubting and all the hurt I hold. You make broken beautiful. Bridge All the pieces, all the seasons, You will all redeem. It’s the reason I believe. © 2013 by Amber Rhoads & Mia Fieldes | Gateway Create Publishing/BMI | 2012 SHOUT! Music Publishing APRA (admin. by Integrity Music via EMICMGPublishing.com) CCLI # 6540858

This is by far one of my favorite songs for our season of waiting. I use to sing it with tears running down my face when I felt like I needed that release of crying.

In the prayer room with Kellye was no exception. I sat and cried as I softly sang along with the lyrics that had written themselves on my heart. Obviously, Kellye loved the song and told me how awesome it was that I shared something so precious with her.

Gotta love Kellye.