Back to L&D Again

2.17.14

     It was one of those days again, when I just felt like I needed to go back to the Labor and Delivery department to see if I could catch Amy while she was at work. I walked into the hospital and headed up to the postpartum floor, where the nurse at the nurses' station recognized me from when I had tried to see Amy a few weeks before. I asked if she was working, and the nurse grinned and told me that she was, but she was in the NICU department.
     I had to follow one of the hallways and wait outside a locked door for Amy to come find me. I had cut my hair recently, so it took her a minute to recognize me. When she did, she gave me a big hug and said, "How are you?! I got your note and I tried to figure out a way to contact you, but I couldn't really."
      I laughed and told her it was totally fine and that I had realized after I left her the note that I didn't leave a way for her to contact me.
      "How's Alex?" she asked, not even needing me to prompt her with his name. In those first days at the hospital, I am sure that some of the staff bonded more with Alex than they did me, just because half the time I was so drugged up that I didn't have coherent conversations with them. The funniest memory I have of Amy, though, was about 6 hours after my night nurse had removed my epidural she came in and asked if I was ready to try to get out of bed. I said, "YUP" and swung my legs over the bed, and then walked myself to the bathroom. Amy had looked up at my mom and said, "I've never seen anyone get out of bed that fast..." It was a proud moment for me because I was ready to get the heck out of that hospital.
       I knew that we made an impression on Amy because of another conversation that we had with Kenney after everything was said and done. She told us that while she was in the doctor's dictation area working on some paperwork for Kaitlyn's death certificate, Amy had come and sat next to her and said, "I don't know how you can do this day in and day out." Amy told Kenney how she had fallen in love with us as a couple, and how hard the few days being our nurse had been on her. She even cried over Kaitlyn with Kenney, but I know that Kenney comforted her and told her that this is one of the many reasons Kenney is in the field that she's in: she loves to serve people and love on them in their deepest time of need.
       I remembered how Amy had stood out at the curb after she had wheeled me down the hallway with my noise-cancelling earphones (provided by Alex) on, and how she had hugged on me and cried a little as we left the hospital. It is one of those memories that will always be sharp to me, because there was so much pain and hesitation and relief, all rolled into one instant. I just remember hugging her and telling her, "Thank you for everything" before I climbed into the Tahoe.
   
       I caught up with Amy for a few minutes, and then I told her where my heart was going right then: I knew that I wanted to set up the Hope Box ministry here in Dallas, and I wanted the hospital we delivered at to be the first hospital with a Hope Box. Later, Amy told me the contact person (who I had already met through the grief group that meets at that hospital) to get this setup. My next mission: get more Hope Boxes ready.