Icemageddon

12.6.13-12.8.13

     This weekend was nutty- the whole city of Dallas basically shut down because there was a huge ice storm that blew through. I hadn't really adequately prepared with food stuff, but it ended up being okay because Alex knew how to navigate the ice so we could sneak out and go to the very few restaurants that were open (read: Chinese food and drive throughs).
      I spent most of my time stuck in doors reading and writing on the blog. There is one book that I started reading a few weeks after Kaitlyn died that has become very precious to me: Lisa Bevere's Girls with Swords. I had bought the book in February, but hadn't really read much of it since I was busy changing jobs and being pregnant. I'm going to share a few excerpts of her book with you here (and if Lisa ever stumbles across my blog- please forgive me for the copyright infringement):

• There is no surer way to wound a woman than to attack her children. 
• Sound like it fits? Yes, very much. 
• I wonder what it might have happened if David had chosen not to kill the lion or the bear... The battles we win in private position us to slay giants in public.
• I have not always been a strong Christian. I have not always been public with my faith. But I have struggled through a lot of instances where I had to work through thoughts and prayers on my own. If I had not come through certain challenges, I'm not sure how I would have handled Kaitlyn's death. Sometimes, we like to downplay the challenges we run into because we don't realize that God is actually giving us a warmup for things coming in the future.
• Sometimes arriving too quickly is detrimental... Proverbs 20:21 warns us that what is gotten quickly is not always blessed in the end.
• Phew. This one still gets me because I am still in this period of waiting. I am waiting for my body to heal to the best "new" body it can be so that we can get pregnant again. I am waiting for the family of three that should have been present. I am waiting for our parenthood to truly start. More will come on this topic later...
• What are the enemy's schemes designed to do? To divide us from God and each other through the isolation tactics of guilt, judgement, shame, and suspicion.
• This one I came across as I learned about a lady in our area who had lost her son in a home birth. Mallie had created a safe group for moms she had taken pictures for to come and share their stories, and this lady joined just a few days after Thanksgiving. She posted, along withe picture of her son, about the guilt she was struggling with about giving birth at home. There are thousands of people out there who are struggling with guilt because of past decisions that have put them in situations that they are now in. But here's the thing: God knows each decision we make and provides His perfect peace for us after the sky falls. Our choice is whether we accept that peace or try to do it on our own (which I am still, and probably will be for a while, struggling with).
• Discernment is about knowing what really is going on so that heroic daughters can turn what others see as a disadvantage into an advantage.
• Bless it, I hope this is me. I want to be a "heroic daughter" and help others see their own potential if they only give up their struggles and turn to God. This was a call to see the bigger picture, much like the first excerpt that I shared. I don't think for an instant that God caused Kaitlyn to die, but instead I believer he allowed it to happen. Which means that He chose not to protect me from Satan's plot to steal me. I wonder how badly it hurt Satan's feelings when I didn't turn from God to give up hope? 
• Listening to what other people say about you may cause you to forget who you actually are... Fools will appear to detour you right before you arrive where God wants you.
• Remember those "undesirables" that I said had found the blog that I'd rather not witness to? Let me tell you, for a while there I had a really hard time writing. I was so irritated that my innermost thoughts were being read by someone who I'd rather not read them, and I let myself get roadblocked from writing because I didn't want to give them anymore ammunition. This is a detour that I could have taken. I could have said "Forget it! I will just journal at home and not give anyone else access to my healing!" But I truly, 100% believe that God is going to do something crazy with this blog. As I am writing this, there have been nearly 20,000 (read that: twenty THOUSAND) hits on the blog of people sharing it with others and coming back to read what I have written. It is incredibly humbling to watch that number grow. And the funny thing is, on days that undesirables decide to lash out at me, the number of readers doubles for that day. Funny how Satan tries to get in our head and God still uses it for good. 
• If He is with us and He is the same, then He is willing to display on earth all that the Cross purchased.
• Let that sink in for just a minute because it took me a few times of reading it to finally understand it. What this is referring to is that God allows us to face trials with death, disappointment, depression, guilt, sorrow, pride, etc. in order to show His glory. If you are struggling with anything having to do with your character, know that the struggle you face is not only allowed by God, but also will reveal His might and power if you turn to him.