Meeting Pat Smith

1.9.13

      "Hi Amy," she said. "I've been waiting all day to meet you."
      Pat Smith is one of the most stunning people I've ever seen. Sure, you have your movie stars, and your models, but there was something about her beauty, even on the morning that I saw her on the news and hadn't even met her in person yet, that is just... striking.
      She's petite (about 5'3" if I had to guess), but wore some monster heels that made you wonder how she learned to walk in them. She wore a blue and black dress with long sleeves, and her hair fell down around her face.
      "Come in and sit down!" she said as she ushered me into the conference room. Straight in front of me where glass windows from ceiling to floor, and to the right was a large wooden table used for meetings for the group. Along the table was another camera man, some people taking notes, and two additional camera men to give different perspectives to the filming.
      I was nervous with just boomstick and hand-held camera guy.

      "I'm so excited you're finally here!" Pat said as we settled in to talk.
      "It is SO cool that I'm here," I agreed with her. "Its a total God thing."
      She smiled and said, "Why did you enter this contest?"
      I shook my head and said, "You know, Pat, I was watching the news that Monday morning like I always do and I saw you and heard you ask for submissions and... I don't know, I just felt the Holy Spirit come over me to tell me this was important."
       "Okay, for those who don't know what the Holy Spirit feels like when He speaks, can you describe it?" She asked.
       "It's a really strange feeling... Its like, a heightened sense of awareness. Its the hair on the back of your neck standing up and something inside you just says, 'This is important.' I'm not even really sure what will come of this, but I know that it was important for me to be here, today. It was important for me to meet you."
        "Absolutely," she confirmed, nodding her head. "And what brings you hear today? What have you overcome?"
         I literally shudder every time somebody uses that word when it comes to Kaitlyn. I know that I entered a contest for "overcomers", but I absolutely abhor that word when it comes to Kaitlyn. I didn't overcome her, I didn't overcome her birth. I did (am constantly?) overcome intense misery, pain, and loss, but I would chose to use a different word when describing that.
         Now that I had done the warm-up interview, I knew where I wanted to start. I told her about the day we found out we were pregnant, about our heartache knowing that Alex would miss the entire pregnancy and most likely the birth, and then I told the story of her sweet little heart not beating on the ultrasound.
         It was at this point, that Pat, sweet woman that she is, let a single tear run down her cheek as she nodded at the pain I was recalling.
         I had finished telling our story and waited for her to ask another question. I had made it through this round without crying.
         "You know," she said, "Emmitt and I miscarried our first. I was early, way earlier than you. But it was the first time I saw Emmitt cry." She stared down at her piece of paper as she told me the story. "But to give you hope, we went on to have two beautiful daughters, but there is still nothing that compares to that pain."
          I nodded and agreed with her, and expressed my condolences for her loss as well. We continued to talk and I even told her the story of Kate and how Kate didn't finish her application (and I was a total weenie and called Kate a "good girl friend" instead of "counselor" or "therapist"). When I told of how Kate had nonchalantly shrugged her shoulders and said, "That wasn't meant for me," Pat's response was to stop looking at her paper and look me straight in the eye and say, "That's a good girl friend." Yes. Kate is an awesome girl friend.
          She shook off her sad face and then looked around the room and asked if anyone else had any questions. There were two more:
          "What would you tell Mom's who have been through this and future moms that may be afraid that this will happen to them?" she asked the first question.
           "Well for Mom's that this has happened to: there is always purpose in the pain. You may not see it, and it may take a while for you to glimpse part of it. But even my cousin who passed away 21 years ago is still affecting the world around her life," I started. "And as for women who might be scared that this will happen to them..." I shook my head as I talked, "You just have to give that up to God. One of the beautiful things about our story is that I did everything right. I took my prenatal vitamins, I ate a salad every day for the first trimester, I was diligent about seeing my doctor. I did everything right. And this still happened. You have to give that worry up to God, because you're not in control anyways."
             "If you could ask God for one thing and you knew it would be given to you, what would you ask him for?" she asked me, the second question posed by the audience.
              I sat for a minute and thought... What would I ask God for? Anything? It was such a strange question, one meant for happier times with a thousand and one answers varying from "to live forever" to "a million dollars" or even "a book deal."
              "You know," I said, finally reaching my decision, "I think I'd ask Him for twins."
              "Twins?!" she said, giving me the you-might-be-crazy look.
              "Yeah, twins. I know you probably thought that I was going to ask for Kaitlyn back, but that wasn't what God had planned for her. And who am I to say that my plan is better than God's? No... I'd just ask for twins next go 'round."
               At this point, Pat just shook her head at the table. Then she kind of started mumbling to herself, and she said, "I'm sorry I had to put you all through this, I just had to be sure, but... You're a winner. You're one of my three winners."
               That was my cue to just start crying again. I thought I had heard R wrong on the phone, I had doubted it for a minute, and given in to whatever God had in store for me, and here He was lifting me up again.
               I was completely blown away. Pat jumped up and started hugging on me and then said, "We get to have lunch with Robin Roberts!"
               And with that, she was whisked away with all the camera men following her and I was left in the conference room by myself.