On Sunday, I topped off my Treasure You application and got it submitted. I sent it over email, so there was no confirmation fax sheet that let me know they got it. I just hit the "send" button and was over it.
"Okay God I'm obedient."
That morning, I had come across a verse that P.J. (aka Pastor John) talked about at some point. The verse is John 21:21 and it goes like this:
Peter asks Jesus, "What about him, Lord?" Jesus replied, "If I want him to remain
alive until I return, what is that to you? As for you, follow me."
This is another one of those things that I just love about the Bible. It's got a little sass in it. And that sass came right out of Jesus' mouth. (After all, He did make those of us who are sassy in His image, too!)
The background behind these two verses is that Jesus had foretold that Peter would be crucified at the end of his life. Peter's response was (of course) panic and he looked around for a buddy he could drag into the conversation with him. Kind of a "Hey if we're telling about our deaths, tell this one how he's going to go, too! And let it be as painful as my way!"
Jesus doesn't respond with a "Oh yeah, he's getting the ax later as well" comment. Instead he completely refocuses Peter's attention back on himself. Basically, Jesus tells him to butt out.
Butt out, and refocus your energy on following the path I have for you.
I have had a lot of issues with jealousy. A lot of issues with jealousy. God has at least protected me from myself when it comes to the little ones in my family, but outside of that my jealousy knows no bounds. I'm jealous of people with infants. I'm jealous of people with newborns. I'm jealous of pregnant women. I'm jealous of people just finding out that they're pregnant. I'm jealous when I hear a baby cry or scream.
I'm flapping jealous. Like all the time.
Part of my jealousy comes from the "Well what about them?!" aspect. Not that I would ever, ever, ever wish the death of a child on anyone, even my worst enemy, but I still can't help thinking "What the heck? Why does that person smoking a cigarette over their stroller get to have a healthy child and mine's not here?"
Which is why I think this verse was so timely for me. I was reminded to butt out and also to refocus on Him. Sometimes I lose sight of God's plan for our lives. Sometimes, I get distracted by everyone else's happy endings. But then I think of this verse and I think of the way Jesus responded. "Who cares what I have planned for that person? As for you, follow me." Just as blunt as the wrong end of a knife.
Which is what I need. I need something that will push through that grief and refocus me. Keep my thoughts and movements focused on what God has in store for us. And I know this, it is really, really good.
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