Getting ready

1.24.14

      On Friday morning, I went and had a session with Kate. I knew I was going to be seeing a lot of people over the weekend that I hadn't seen since I was in training for my job, and also that I hadn't seen since I was pregnant.

       "I just feel like I'm going to backslide," I told Kate. "Its hard to say to people that I'm doing okay... Most of them want me to be back where I was in September or October, but I'm not. Its January. The bad days still come, but they tend not to be as severe, and there seem to be more okay days between them now."
        "Yes, and don't let people's reactions stick to you. Remember that you're not responsible for how they react or for their feelings. You are responsible for you. There is a visual aid I use to help people see this so that they have something to remember to keep other people's issues away from you. Think about being in a see-through column that protects you. Whatever anyone else's reaction is sticks on that column and not on you, you can let it fall off or let it just disappear. Don't try to play God and fix whatever they are going through," Kate said.
         "I know it. It just like... I am where I am, I'm not where you think I am or where you remember me being. And that's hard but that's the truth," I told her. We also talked about Alex and I getting pregnant again and how that would look. "I know that I'll probably need to come see you some throughout that next pregnancy. I don't know how that will look, but I don't want to be anxious and I don't want fear to rule that pregnancy. Dr. L said she would deliver us at 36 weeks if we wanted her to, but I struggle with whether that is the right thing to do. Not that its a decision that we have to make right now, but I just don't want the fear of something happening again to take away from our next baby's time to mature."
          "Absolutely," said Kate. "On our second pregnancy, I flat out had to tell my healthcare providers to get their fear under control. You can't let their fear stick on you, either. You have to let them deal with that outside of your interaction with them, and they need to respect your emotions and not drag theirs in on top of yours."
          I love Kate.

          "I got a crazy message the other day from one of my friends," I told her, continuing on the pregnancy topic. "It was from Hallye, and this is what it said:

I had a dream about you last night. You were pregnant with a beautiful little boy that somehow I could already see, and his name was to be Galia. Which means "God will Redeem" in Hebrew. And I was SO EXCITED for you. And I debated on wether to tell you this, but I felt God gave me that for a reason. I love you! I pray for you every day! I hope you're doing well & your heart full of love!"

Isn't that crazy?" I asked Kate.
"Not at all," she replied. "We had a few prophesies like that spoken over us in our time of brokenness, and all of them came true. And actually, when you were talking about going to your OB just now I just had this image of 'Boy' come over me. So I think you will have a boy next time."

Well... we'll see...