My other grandma

12.28.13

      My Grandma on my Mom's side turned 80 on the 19th of December, 2013. It was quite an accomplishment considering that exactly 10 years earlier, she had been diagnosed with a brain tumor in her frontal lobe the size of a tennis ball and they told her going into the surgery that she may not make it off the table. This all happened my freshman year at college, and I was a complete wreck.
      My Grandma is one of those people who can live (literally) across the state and make you feel like you are the most important person in the world. My Mom is the oldest of her four kids, and she is the only one that doesn't live within about 30 minutes of my grandparents. When I was growing up, my grandparents had to put in more effort to be a part of my life because we didn't see each other once a week at church or get picked up randomly to go shopping at Walgreens (that was a big deal back then). But somehow, my Grandma was able to be closer to me than my grandmother that lived in the same town.
      To say she had a big influence on my life would be an understatement. She continually encouraged me to be who I truly was, without worrying about how others saw me. Because of her, I started playing the piano when I was in Kindergarden and continued for 9 years until I switched over to playing the flute and piccolo, which I played all the way through college band. Because of her influence on my mom, and my mom's influence on me, I was a self-motivated student and graduated high in my class (though not top 10% because I got a C in spanish freshman year- ironic that I am now married to someone who speaks fluent Spanish). I continued on an finished a degree in Biomedical Engineering through The University of Texas at Austin, having my grandparents cheer me on the entire way. (Does that surprise you? I am not a writer in any way- I like numbers...)
       My Grandma was an Oboist in high school and was awarded a scholarship to Sam Houston State University. However, it was the 1950s and she met my granddad and decided to forgo going to college to get married instead. Enter my mom about 2 years after they got married.
       If you know anything about neurology or psychology, the frontal lobe is where most of your personality resides. The firing of those neurons determine what your outlook on life is as well as how you respond to situations. When my Grandma was diagnosed, there was somewhat of a sigh of relief in my family because we had seen changes in her personality prior to the diagnosis. She became mean, easily agitated, and very hard to reason with. The night before her surgery, she was staying in a hotel across the street from the hospital. I was still in Austin at the time, but I heard the story retold through my family members that were present. The night before, my Grandma was terrified. As we all would be knowing that someone was going to cut open your head and you may or may not wake up. She kept saying that she didn't want to do the surgery and that she had changed her mind, being okay with not fighting the cancer. Enter my uncle, the same uncle that prayed at the beginning of Kaitlyn's memorial service. He got down on one knee in front of his mother and told her, "This is not you. You have taught us all to be brave and to fight for our lives and for the lives of others. Tonight, we can cry and have a pity party and say why you, but tomorrow morning we are going to walk into that surgery suite with the courage and bravery we all know you have in Christ."
       And that's exactly what she did. She had an extremely successful surgery where they got clean margins when they removed the tumor. Over the next 10 years, her moods would fluctuate as they titrated out her medications (those things are no joke) but for the most part my Grandma was relatively close to her old self.

       My Grandma decided that she was going to throw a big party for herself for her 80th birthday. She was beyond excited, not unlike a little girl getting ready to turn 16. She printed up invitations and hand-wrote them to all of her family and friends, including even her dentist. She called me a few times wanting to know if Alex and I would be able to come, and at the time we just didn't know how we were going to feel about it. The biggest thing I was worried about was being around Sir William  because I had no idea how I would react to him. I hadn't been around any babies yet, and I worried that I would just have a complete come-apart and traumatize everyone in the room by just sobbing over his little body while I ached for my own daughter.
      I talked to Kate about this extensively. "Give yourself grace," she repeated for about the thousandth time. "But at the same time, don't exclude anything. I thought I wouldn't be able to hold another baby after Piper, but I found it to be really therapeutic. My husband, on the other hand, did not hold another child until it was our own. Everyone grieves differently, and you need to allow yourself to live in the moment and experience what God has planned for you. And don't commit to going or not going. You can decide the day of the party if you want to go, and even if you get there and decide its too much, you can leave." Kate always makes things so simple and I adore her for it.
      Friday night, Alex and I boarded the plane to got to Houston where my family lives. I have to admit, I was also a little nervous about seeing the adults in my family because I hadn't seen them since the memorial service. I was excited and terrified all at the same time.
      My parents came and picked us up from the airport and we headed over to my grandparents house. It was only the 6 of us at the time, and I can tell you it was a great relief to get to see just my grandparents first. We got in late, so everyone else was home with their kiddos. We sat and talked for a little while, about nothing really, and then we made plans for the morning. Alex is crazy into cross fit, so he had already scoured the area and found a gym he wanted to visit on Saturday morning. I told my grandparents I would be back around 8:30 in my pajamas for coffee and chitchat. My parents had been generous and understanding enough to get Alex and I a room at a nearby hotel so that we had a "safe zone" to go to if we got overwhelmed. We hugged everyone goodnight, and headed to the hotel at nearly midnight to crash.