Our First Communion

12.1.13

      Sunday, typical Sunday for us here. We got up and went to church that morning and as we entered into the worship center we were given the little "communion to go" cups.

We always laugh at these because its funny how everything has gotten so efficient.

      I use to mail those little cups to Alex while he was deployed so he could also take communion with the church. It took me a couple of tries to figure out how to package them so that they wouldn't explode from the high altitudes of flight on the way over.

     Anyways, for those of you unfamiliar with the taking of communion, the red juice is grape juice (or in some churches, real wine, but I grew up Baptist so you know that didn't happen) and the cracker is just a wafer. A little piece of unleaven bread. The contents of this cup reproduce the symbolism Jesus gave to us in the last supper.

As they were eating, Jesus took some bread and blessed it. Then he broke it in pieces and gave it to the disciples, saying, “Take this and eat it, for this is my body.”

27 And he took a cup of wine and gave thanks to God for it. He gave it to them and said, “Each of you drink from it, 28 for this is my blood, which confirms the covenant between God and his people. It is poured out as a sacrifice to forgive the sins of many.

    I have taken communion with the church since I was 8 years old and became a believer. This time, however, was totally different. In every communion service, the pastor always reads a passage similar to the one above and tells what communion represents and then gives a moment of reflection. This time was no different, but I felt very different than the past 21 years. I stared at this cup and thought about how unworthy I was to be receiving it.
    I'm going to be 100% transparent here: there are people who have started reading this blog that I really wish hadn't found it. I have had the thought of, "UGH God why do you have to use me to reach HER?" I am being selfish in the story. I am trying to control who our story touches, and it has been a huge stumbling block for me over the past few weeks.
    I looked at that little cup and I realized what this meant. It meant that God knew 2000+ years ago that this was going to happen to me and Alex. He knew that we would yearn to be reconnected with our daughter, and He had provided a way to do that. He knew that I would have rude thoughts circling through His plan, and He knew that I would need a way of redemption that could never be achieved through following the laws. He sent His Son to come and redeem me (and Alex, and you), and this cup was representative of that sacrifice. I sat and cried at the mercy and grace that this cup represented. Not only did God give me the option of being reconciled to Him, but also to Kaitlyn and to all of our family who is already with Him.  The beauty of the sacrifice is that it is not contingent on my perfection. I do not have to be perfect to be a Christian. In fact, the more unperfect I am the more I show His glory. Someone like me, who would ask that her story NOT be used to reach a nonbeliever, is more reason of His grace and glory. He knew I was going to struggle when people I'd rather not share my thoughts with found my blog. But He also has a plan for those people, and our story may open hearts that were previously closed to hearing His story. And I am so incredibly grateful and humbled to be able to receive His sacrifice.

Romans 8:1-4
So now there is no condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus. 2 And because you belong to him, the power of the life-giving Spirit has freed you[b] from the power of sin that leads to death. 3 The law of Moses was unable to save us because of the weakness of our sinful nature.[c] So God did what the law could not do. He sent his own Son in a body like the bodies we sinners have. And in that body God declared an end to sin’s control over us by giving his Son as a sacrifice for our sins. 4 He did this so that the just requirement of the law would be fully satisfied for us, who no longer follow our sinful nature but instead follow the Spirit.So now there is no condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus.