The big fight

11.23.13

      I hesitated in writing about this, but the purpose of this blog is to tell our story, the whole story even though I am embarrassed by some of it.

      Alex and I had a fight. It was a big fight. It was the worst fight in the history of our relationship. I started the fight and somewhat ended the fight, but what was said and done in the middle of it was both of our faults. There was a point in the middle of that fight that I worried that this was the beginning of the end. I couldn't do or say the right thing to make all of it go away. I couldn't fix what Alex was going through, and I couldn't understand why what I was saying was making it worse instead of better.
      I won't go into the details of this fight because some things should be kept private, even though most everything on here is the intricate details of my private thoughts and experiences. I felt like I needed to acknowledge the fight publicly because I know there are some moms that are in similar situations as ours reading. I want you moms to know that fights are normal, and that we had the very worst one in the history of us about 8 weeks after we lost Kaitlyn. Give yourself grace, give your husband grace, and remember to embrace each other even if you have to go to bed upset. We needed to do that on this fight, which is something we vowed we would never do. We promised to talk everything out before we went to bed, but this time we mutually agreed that we both needed to sleep and we would talk about it in the morning.
      The following Monday, I talked to Kate about it and she said that she had a similar experience. Their first fight after losing Piper was a doozie, and she shuddered as she recalled what they had fought about. There is so much energy in the air with everything that has gone on, it is impossible to think that you are immune to the daily struggles of marriage. So if you have lost your child and you are reading this, I am telling you that it is okay to have a big fight. It is normal to have a big fight.

Let no one split apart what God has joined together.

Mark 10:9