Illegal

5.12.14

     On Monday, I was at one of the hospitals (I won't tell you which one) and sitting there, in the middle of the hallway, was a sonogram/ultrasound machine.
      Just sitting there.
      Complete with the probe that I had seen used a thousand times on different cardiac tests.
      The probe that could also be used on my stomach to take a look at the baby I was growing.

      I was a little hesitant because part of me worried that I would see something was wrong (like no heart beat), but in the end I gave into the temptation and took a peek with the machine at the little bit growing away in my stomach.
      I hadn't been able to feel anything as far as movement (which was not unusual at this point), but there on the screen little bit was kicking away and doing flips left and right. I stood and stared kind of blankly as the little one changed positions about four or five times, and reassured myself that even though I couldn't feel anything little one was growing along just fine.
       Later, I confessed to Alex that I had peeked at little one that day and he got upset with me because he didn't like that I was doing something outside of the doctor's office. He didn't want me doing anything with this baby that might cause him/her harm, and I told him that I wouldn't look anymore, but that I just needed the reassurance that morning.