The things people won't tell you

7.30.14

      After we returned back to Dallas from New Braunfels it was time to go back to work again. The next week, I was working with one of our newer docs that is pretty young, but very talented. He had gotten married while I was out on maternity leave, and I remembered distinctly a very uncomfortable conversation I was witness to pretty early on when I returned to work in November.
      We had all been standing in the hallway hearing about Dr. R's wedding when the male nurse that was talking to him finally asked the question that all newly weds get, "When are you guys going to have a baby?!"
       This particular doc is the newest in the group that I have worked with for the past 6 years, and bless his heart, he was probably the most awkward when I returned back to work because he just didn't know me that well. He's only been in Dallas about 2 years at this point, and I didn't really work with him that much in that time period. When I had returned back to work, one of my first cases was with him and I remember him saying, "We're glad to have you back," which was the programmed response the lab manager had suggested that everyone use when they saw me for the first time (thank you, a million times, Sherri.).
        Anyways, this male nurse starts probing this doc about his family planning, and finally I couldn't take it anymore, I said, "Really?! Do we have to have this conversation right in front of me right now?"
        The male nurse, looking a little bewildered, said, "I wasn't asking you? I was talking to him."
        Yeah, I'm still within ear shot.
        After that little episode, this doc took even longer to not treat me with kid gloves. I didn't really mean to explode emotions all over him, but at the same time I felt like it was pretty inconsiderate to have that kind of conversation right in front of someone who had just lost a child.
        Back to now- I had suspected it for a little while. You see Dr. R had been talking about changing in his two-door sports car for a mid-sized SUV, and usually that is a big hint about "we're trying to get pregnant" or "we're expecting." But one thing I've learned is not to ask because if they had been trying and having a hard time, it tends to hurt when people ask if you are pregnant yet. So I always kept my thoughts to myself, but I wondered where they were in the process.
         It finally came out when I was covering a case with him in one of our north accounts. He said something about taking time off coming up and that's when one of the other nurses said, "What's going on?" Then Dr. R kind of stuttered a response of, "Well, we're pregnant."
         At this point, I'm pregnant with our second one and not close enough to any significant date with Kaitlyn to be emotional, so my reaction was true to how I felt: joy. I love to hear that other people are pregnant. Of course, in the back of my mind I am always a little bit nervous because I know how quickly and how often a pregnancy can go wrong, but for the moment, I celebrate any new life that I hear of. Because this moment is all that matters right now, not the "ifs" that can ruin the future by too much worry.
        Dr. R had actually kept their pregnancy a secret for a really long time: his wife is two weeks ahead of me in her pregnancy and due at the end of October. Once the case was over, I went and told him again how excited I am for them and how wonderful everything is (he shared that they are having a little boy), and he responded with hesitancy.
        "Thanks! We're excited, too, but you know... so much can happen..." he told me.
        "Yes, but right now you are pregnant with a healthy baby boy, it's time to really celebrate that," I responded to him.

         I think this was the first time that I felt like someone had intentionally withheld information because of the fear of hurting my feelings or not knowing how I would react. It was a very weird feeling to find out that we are so close in our pregnancy and I didn't have a clue.