Week 34

10.02.14

     On Thursday I had another appointment with Dr. B. We had switched to weekly visits at 32 weeks along and every visit now consisted of a full biophysical profile. What this means is that I got a sonogram and a non-stress test every time I went in to see her.
      This day wasn't anything out of the ordinary: sonogram first and everything went great, then the non-stress test. The MA had asked before if I would mind doing the NST first since it takes 20 minutes, but I had to tell her I couldn't do that because I would have a panic attack if I thought it took her too long to find the baby's heart beat. She had been super sweet and understanding, even apologizing for not thinking that it could be more stressful to go in that order.
       This time, as I was hooked up to the sensors for the NST and surfing the internet on the phone, a wave of movement crossed over my stomach. It felt like a huge roll, like the baby had decided to literally cross my entire abdomen to get more comfortable.
        On the NST machine there are two numbers: one that reads out the baby's heart rate and the other reads out the percentage of contractility, or how strong a muscle contraction is. The second number got up to 96% when that wave went across my stomach, but since I could see the baby's heart rate I never really worried about it.
         A few minutes later, the MA came back to check on me.
         "I'm just going to run this strip over to Dr. B to see what she thinks..." she said.
         "Yeah something ferocious happened a few minutes ago!" I laughed.

         After a wait, the MA came back again to get me to go see the doctor.
         "Your husband's not with you today?" she said as we walked down the hallway. It was really my first indicator that something was up.
          I sat in the exam room waiting on Dr. B to come in and started feeling anxious. I didn't know what was going on, but I knew whatever they saw on the monitor wasn't what they were expecting.
          Finally, Dr B came in and sat down on the rolling stool that is in all the exam rooms.
          "So, you're having contractions. Have you been feeling these?" she asked.
          "Is that what that was? I just thought it was the baby doing a big roll or something," I said, rather shocked.
          "Yeah, they're contractions," she paused. "What I see on this strip isn't awful, but I think I want to watch you a little closer. So if it's okay, I'm going to have you go ahead and head over to Labor and Delivery and they'll be expecting you. They'll hook you up and we'll just watch this a little longer."
           "Oh it's that serious?" I asked, definitely shocked now.
           "Well they are pretty regular and on the one that you felt the baby's heart rate fluctuated just a little bit, and with your history I don't want to mess around so I would just feel better if we watch you for the next couple of hours. Two, at a minimum. It could be an overnight stay, depending on what we see. And if I say this out loud it won't happen, but there is a possibility that I would need to deliver you tonight."
           "Okay," I agreed. Their office is attached to the hospital and there is a pedestrian bridge that connects the two. It had started raining pretty badly outside, and as I walked along the corridor I called Alex to tell him what was going on.
           "Do I need to come over?" he asked.
            I stopped walking and thought for a moment. I knew that I was just going to go over to the pre-op area of L&D and sit on the monitor for two hours. Honestly, I didn't feel anxious at all. I had been reciting my verses in my head all week and I knew that if this what how our delivery was suppose to go then it would be okay.
            "No," I shook my head as I said it. "You're just down the street, 5 minutes away. I'll call you if I need you. Just be sure to keep your phone where you can get to it if I need you."
             The next call was to my mom, and it went a little differently than my conversation with Alex.
             "We need to come up there," she said, which it was a 5 hour drive from where they were to Dallas.
             "No, we don't know anything yet, Mom," I said. "If something happens then, yeah, you can come up."
             "Well... Okay," she said reluctantly.
              I wasn't trying to play the hero, but my parents had had a rough week because my Dad's mom had really started going downhill with her Alzheimers. She had also developed congestive heart failure and I knew that my Mom had spent the majority of her week trying to help my Dad with caring for my grandmother. In my heart, I didn't think we would be delivering that night and I didn't really want my parents driving in the middle of the night to come all the way up here for nothing.
           
              I asked when I got to the check-in desk if one of the nurses who had been with us with Kaitlyn named Nell was around. They told me that she had just scrubbed in on a c-section, but they would let her know that I was there when the procedure was over. The nurse who hooked me up had already been updated as far as our history with Kaitlyn, and she told me that she remembered the day we came in. It was a strange sensation, having someone tell you that they remember you even though you'd never met.
              One of my coworkers was downstairs and I had texted her earlier to let her know that I might not be coming in to work tomorrow if I was admitted to the hospital. She had decided to pop up for a minute and check on me, and then she graciously went to get me some "smut" magazines to pass the time (you know, the celebrity gossip magazines that speculate about who's getting divorced and who has a love child with so-and-so). Kristy was a little excited that we could be welcoming our little one, and it was at that point that I let it slip.
               "I don't have my hospital bag packed..." I said. "I don't even have an outfit for her. I'm terrible!"
                With that, Kristy pounced.
                "Its a girl!?" she said, excited.
                "Haha, yes it is!" I said. "Don't tell anyone because we really don't need anything, but yes it's another girl!"

                After about an hour, Dr B came in. Kristy was still there chatting with me because we like to talk and hadn't seen each other in a while.
                Dr B pursed her lips a little as she looked at the strips. "Well, you're still having contractions," she said.
                 "Well, if I get to have a vote, I say please keep me overnight if you have any hesitation at all about what is going on," I said. "Otherwise I will just go home and worry about how her heart rate is doing."
                "Done. You'll stay tonight and we'll see if we can't get these to stop. We're going to start a bag of fluid to see if maybe you're just dehydrated," she said. "They will get you moved into another room that has a couch for Alex to sleep on."
               
                 Kristy asked me if I wanted her to stay around until Alex got there, but I honestly still felt fine. I knew they were watching the contractions and doing everything they could to stop them.
                 Slowly, it started to get out that I was there. One of the first people in was Nell, fresh off a c-section in the back hallway of labor and delivery. She was shocked that I was there, but happy I had let her know to come see me. She asked all about how Alex was doing and how he had handled our second pregnancy. It was nothing but compassion and love.
                 Next came Morgan, the nurse who was in training with Gail when we first checked in with Kaitlyn. I had thought about Morgan a lot because I knew that we would have changed her course as a nurse because she saw one of the absolute worst case scenarios very early in her training. She was thrilled to see us, and wanted me to be sure to let her know when Alex got there. She excitedly told us that she had switched to the night shift and that she was loving it.
                 With Morgan came Robin, one of the nurses who had helped lead the grief group at the hospital. Eventually Carol came in, the CRNA who had done my epidural with Kaitlyn. She hurriedly wrote down her personal cell phone number on a paper towel so that I could text her directly if something were to happen and we needed to deliver. She told me that if she wasn't on call she would still come in and do my procedure.
               
                  As all these visitors and familiar faces came in and out of the room, my phone had somehow decided to go on silent. It laid right next to my leg, but since it never vibrated I never felt that Alex had called me 8 times.
                 It still hurts me that I did this to him. Understandably, he lost it. He thought something had happened and I wasn't okay or our second baby girl wasn't okay. When I finally saw the missed calls and immediately called him back, he wasn't ready to talk or come in to the hospital yet. Once he gathered himself, he came into the room and I apologized for the hundredth time for doing that to him.
                "Everything is fine..." I said to him.
                "Then why are you here?" he asked abruptly.
                 It was at that point I got shaken out of my denial. Everything wasn't really okay or I would have been at home already. I would have been sent home after a few more minutes in the labor and delivery holding area, not staying overnight. Everything wasn't okay.
                 It was scary.
                 It was unknown.