Mom's birthday

9.13.14

     I dreaded this day. Not to be melodramatic, but I dreaded this day.
     So much happened on my Mom's birthday the year before. We had all been super excited because Alex was making his way home from Afghanistan and Kaitlyn's arrival was just on the horizon.
      I dreaded this day because it meant that Kaitlyn's birthday was just 5 days away.
 
      Every day that inched closer to the 18th was another day that I relived everything I had been doing the year before. September 13th, 2013 fell on a Friday (my Mom is use to having Friday the 13th birthdays) and I had gone to work that day. But I remember I felt off. I didn't feel well at all. In hindsight, I think I was having contractions, but it doesn't really matter now.
      I had come home from work ready (sort of) to celebrate my mom's birthday. My Dad had come into town to be with us, and the three of us went to a nice steak restaurant about 15 minutes away from the house.
      I remember the exact table we were sitting at, and that my mom and dad were sitting across the table from me. I kept saying that I didn't feel well, and Mom kept asking if I thought I was in labor. She was excited because that meant that she would have a granddaughter share her birthday, just like her mom and my cousin do.
      She asked me a few times if I thought I needed to go to the hospital, but I was never in pain so I never thought it was contractions. I just thought I was tired, or it was false labor, or just plain stress because I didn't know where Alex was at this point.
     
       Later that night, we knew that Alex would be arriving at 11:30 at the DFW airport. Chad and Jenny had come over and we all made signs to welcome him back into the states, and then we all loaded up in my parent's car and headed out. I was driving, and I actually ended up getting pulled over because I was flying down the highway at about 85 mph because I was so excited.
       I remember the absolute joy and relief of seeing Alex again. He was here, we could have a baby now. All of my ill feelings from earlier in the day completely went away once he was here. I could finally relax, everything was going to be fine.
       We've been through two deployments in our marriage, and I use to think to myself that you never really understand trusting God until you send your husband overseas. There is absolutely nothing that I could do to help him or keep him safe while he served our country. I had no control. I had no say in how much he was given to eat or how many hours he was able to sleep. I couldn't tell him that I was uncomfortable with them flying because the weather was bad or that there was gunfire in the area. The days and nights from the US to Afghanistan are nearly completely reversed, so we got into a routine of knowing when the other person would be available to talk between work and sleep, which was usually only a few hours in the morning and a few more at night.
        I use to think that I knew what trusting God with our loved ones was all about, and in a way, I did. But God was also going to show me what trusting Him with the ones we won't see again on this earth was really about.