As we wheeled back to the OR, it was hard not to have flashbacks to when we had Kaitlyn. I'm fairly sure that we went into a different room, but the rooms are all set up nearly identically so it was hard to tell.
If there is one thing I regret about our birth, it is that I never asked Alex how he felt about delivering at the same hospital. I was so determined to have the same staff at the same hospital deliver us, I never stopped to consider that Alex might not want that. I watched him as we went into the suite, and I know he was fighting back the same memories that I was.
Luckily, we had a great team with us that kept us distracted from those memories.
Gail had put on scrubs and had volunteered to hold me while I got my epidural, the exact same way she had just over a year ago. This time, however, I was able to feel everything that the anesthesiologist was doing since I wasn't overcome with grief. I will admit that from the time they disconnected me from the monitor in pre-op I had to battle the fear that our baby girl would pass away from something. I just wanted her out and screaming, that's all I wanted.
As everyone was getting set up and I was being prepped for surgery, Alex worked with Larry to hook his phone up to the speaker to play music. He put it on the Disney Pandora station, and we were able to listen to some great Disney classics as well as some newer songs that were popular (quite a few from Frozen, actually).
Soon, it was time. The blue drape obscured my view from my stomach and I was staring at those same white lights I had been just over a year ago. I waited anxiously for the reflection on the lights to turn red, knowing that meant they had started cutting me to get our little girl out.
I tried my best not to be anxious. I listened to the music, I prayed, and I recited those verses that had kept me company for so many weeks before this day.
As Dr. D stepped up to her side of the table to start the delivery, an old but familiar song came on the radio.
Naaaaaaaaaants ingonyama bagithi Baba
Sithi uhm ingonyama
ingonyama
Naaaaaaaaaaaaants ingonyama bagithi Baba
Sithi uhm ingonyama
ingonyama
Siyo nqoba
Ingonyama
Ingonyama nengw enambala
From the day we arrive on the planet
And blinking, step into the sun
There's more to see than can ever be seen
More to do than can ever be done
There's far too much to take in here
More to find than can ever be found
But the sun rolling high
Through the sapphire sky
Keeps great and small on the endless round
It's the Circle of Life
And it moves us all
Through despair and hope
Through faith and love
Till we find our place
In the path unwinding
In the circle
The circle of Life
Kiera Paige Munoz was born October 17, 2014, at 11:06 PM.
As the song played, we waited for our sweet little girl to come out. This was absolutely the hardest part for me- last time, I was almost numb to the idea of Kaitlyn being born. As awful as it sounds, I didn't care about when she came out because she was already gone. There was no anticipation last time, only dread.
This time, I was loaded with anticipation and apprehension. I just wanted them to get her out NOW because I knew she was okay and her heart was beating a short while ago.
Alex and Gail took pictures while we waited.
Soon, I heard them say that I was going to feel some pressure as they pulled her out. My heart started racing as I waited for that sound we had waited over a year to hear- our daughter's first cry.
Finally, we heard it, loud and clear.
The first time we met.
Our family.
My absolute favorite picture from that night.
Later, the Nanana would give me a frame that had this picture in it
with Kaitlyn's footprints faded in the background. I have it on my nightstand,
right next to Kaitlyn's urn.
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