My life for your plans...

1.9.14

      The next day, I was a nervous wreck. I had received a packet from Pat's office saying that I wasn't a winner, but only a finalist. Maybe I had heard her wrong. It didn't really matter, I was still going to get to meet Pat Smith at her office and get to tell her about Kaitlyn.

      The packet had said that we should be prepared to be on-camera for the interview. Ugh I was a wreck. I did my makeup a little heavier and ironed the new clothes I had bought the previous day, doing an extra look-over to be sure I didn't miss one of those obnoxious stickers with the L on it indicating not only your size but also that the item had recently been purchased. 

      I loaded my stuff up in the car and took an extra bag full of things to do a "final prep", like my straightener and my makeup bag. I put all that in this really cute bag I had made out of one of Alex's uniform tops when he was deployed in 2010. That way, I had a little piece of Alex with me when I went to the office. The packet had also said that we were welcome to bring family members along with us, but seeing as my family doesn't live in Dallas I opted to go it alone. (Jenny is probably cringing as she reads this because she would say "I would have gone with you!" which, of course she would have! But at the same time, I felt like it was Alex and me or only me since we were Kaitlyn's parents.) 

     Anyways, in the morning I did a case and was glad to be busy so that I could keep my mind off of what the afternoon had in store. I am not a good public speaker, and I was worried that I was going to say something silly. Or worse, that somebody would say something trying to make it better (more on that tangent later) and end up saying something awful and I would end up going off on a tangent about how what they'd just said was inappropriate. 

      The time came for me to head down to the office, in the super-secret location in North Dallas. I had spent the evening before in prayer, and had been continually praying since I left work. 

      There's a song that we use to sing at Hope Fellowship that was an original song by our worship pastor, Aubrey McGowan, back when Hope was only about 1,500 people. Now it is about 6,000. Its a really simple melody, and the lyrics are just three lines on repeat:

                                                     My life for your plans. 
                                                    My heart in your hands.
                                                       I surrender to You.

      The album this is on is called "Hope is Here", and its a really raw album with most of the songs being in minor keys. But the music was one of the reasons I ended up joining Hope Fellowship, and I'm so glad I did.

      Anyways, the entire drive down to Pat's office, I just had that song on repeat. I sang it, prayed it, and let it be true. The only thing I wanted out of this whole application thing was that God would be glorified through our story. We have been so blessed to see His hand moving in big, powerful ways through our lives, and I wanted to be sure I was true to His blessings.