Worried sick

6.23.14

     On Monday morning, I woke up not feeling great. I started to get sicker throughout the day, and it was only by Tuesday afternoon I realized that I hadn't been able to even drink a substantial amount of water because of this stomach bug that I had picked up somewhere along the way.
     I'm usually pretty tough when it comes to viruses like that, but this time I got worried. I started worrying about the baby and if he/she was okay. I worried about the amount of amniotic fluid that was being kept around him/her and I was worried about feeling enough movement throughout the day. So I ended up calling Dr. B's office and going in for an "emergency" check, just to be sure.
     Alex was able to meet me at the office, thank goodness, because I warned him that they would definitely be doing a sonogram and they might confirm the gender for us. We waited in the sonogram waiting room for a good twenty minutes, and I don't think I realized how worried I really was until we sat there in silence waiting.
      When we finally got called back, we went in the dark room with a new sonographer that I hadn't had before. She had looked through our charts, and she expressed her condolences for Kaitlyn. I told her why we were there and how I was trying not to worry as she put the gel on her probe, and she stopped and said, "Nobody should ever have to go through what you went through. You come in any time."
       Within 30 seconds we were watching our beautiful baby on the screen with a nice, strong, healthy heartbeat. And in that moment, I almost lost it.
       I didn't realize how worried I had really been about the baby being okay. It was only when I saw the reassurance of that heart beating away that I relaxed enough to realize how tense I was. I took some deep breaths and looked at the ceiling as we listened to that whoosh-whoosh of the heart on the screen.
       I never got sick with Kaitlyn. I never had a stomach bug or a cold or even severe allergies. So when I caught this thing that wouldn't even let me drink water without excruciating stomach cramps, I think my worrier went into overdrive. I worried about the baby catching the bug (which they are clearly not ready to fight off on their own);  I worried about the amniotic fluid; about the stomach cramps clamping down on the umbilical cord and causing another death. I just worried. And sometimes, its okay to let that worry be a voice of caution in order to get the reassurance I need that everything is okay.

       After the sonographer confirmed that everything was okay, she asked if we had the gender of the baby confirmed yet. We told her no, and in another five minutes she confirmed what we already expected. It was nice to finally have a gender picture (not just a guestimate), and there was no doubt that this gender was correct.