The first OB appointment

4.7.14

     When we had first found out I was pregnant, I had immediately called my OB office to figure out what they wanted to do with me. Dr. B had told me that she would tread me as a "high risk" patient even though there was nothing wrong with Kaitlyn when we did the autopsy (I still cringe at that word).
      The office called me back and let me know that they would see me at 9 weeks pregnant, but if I was feeling anxious I could come have some bloodwork done early just to check and make sure my hormone levels were good. I really didn't feel the need for that, so I had waited until that 9 week appointment to go into the office.
      Alex was running late that day, and I am not going to lie, I was nervous. I was ready to be sure that we really were pregnant, and that there wasn't something else going on with my body that it was just thinking I was pregnant when I really wasn't. As I waited in the room for Alex to get there, I was thinking about the last time I was here for this reason. It had been just before Alex deployed to Afghanistan, and it was a totally different feeling. There hadn't been the apprehension that I felt this time, and last time I didn't really have a problem going to the doctor's office by myself. But this time, it took all the courage I had that day to get out of the car and check in without Alex by my side.
     Luckily, Alex chose that exact moment to come in. I was sitting there in my paper gown on the table just crying.
     "What's wrong?" he said gently.
     "It's just a lot... Too many emotions," I said. He gave me a big hug and told me it was okay, and right then Dr. B walked in. I think we startled her a little bit by me sitting there in a ball of mess.
      She nodded her head and said, "Too many memories?"
      I laughed and said, "Yeah. Just nervous."
      Again, she nodded and said, "Well let's get to work."
      It didn't take long for her to find our tiny peanut on the screen of the sonogram. And there, in the center of that tiny pea, was a flutter of a heartbeat. She measured it out, "160 beats per minute today, very healthy."
      And finally, I could breathe.