The Difficult Day

3.15.14

     Mallie had let me know that there was a professional photographer's expo on Saturday, and that her and another area coordinator for Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep were going to try to recruit photographers to volunteer for the organization. I immediately asked if they needed a recipient to go as well, seeing as it might mean more if there was someone there to vouch for how much the pictures mean to the families. She said she would love for me to come, so we set up our time to meet.
     Remember that picture we had made back in the fall? I took the finished product with me over to the expo for two reasons: first, I thought it was so interesting and unique that it would bring photographers over to the table just to look at the piece, and second, it is the best thing that we've done with our pictures of Kaitlyn because it stays up on our wall. Its a beautiful reminder of our sweet baby girl's short life and adorable feet.

   

Our front room where Lisa's piece is displayed.

Pictures really don't do it justice.

      I drove over to the mid-cities area, not really knowing what to expect. I didn't know how people would react, but I think in my mind I generally expected people to be receptive to the idea of giving back to families who had gone through this loss. I had printed out all of the pictures that Mallie took (from Walgreens, which I'm sure in retrospect was a poor idea because here I am with all these professional photographers and I choose just about the cheapest way to display their craft...), and headed in with our Lisa piece and those in hand.
     We set up the table, and we waited. It wasn't an extremely busy expo, but there was a steady stream of photographers that would come by and glance or try not to make eye contact, and every so often one of them would pause to look at the pictures. The other area coordinator had brought a framed picture that was clearly done outside of a hospital in a studio, but pictured a mom embracing her child. Slowly, a handful of people started to stop by. I let Mallie and the other Area Coordinator do their pitch about the organization, and sometimes they would say, "And we have a Mom here that needed our services last fall, and she wanted to come to help talk about how much this organization means to her."
       That is, if they could get that far. Most of the photographers started backing away as soon as they heard the term "stillbirth" or "death of a child".
        "Oh, I could never do that..." they would say. "That's just too hard. How could you even go into a situation like that?" On, and on the excuses went. NILMDTS is absolutely desperate for photographers in our area. They only have 3-4 covering all of Dallas, and statistically that means a lot of calls per photographer each week. In fact, sweet Mallie was leaving the expo to go take pictures for a family right afterwards because nobody else was available.
         "I photograph animals, and sometimes if the animal is old... well... Let's just say people's pets are a lot like their kids. So I can relate to this, it's kind of what I do, too." One photographer said. I almost wanted to reach over the table and shake them. A pet is not a child, thank you very much. Even though we love our dogs immensely, I didn't grow any of them in my stomach, or set up a nursery for them, or talk to them while they were still unaware of the world. I didn't plan things for their lives like I did with Kaitlyn.
         At the end of the day, one final lady came by and she was the coordinator of the Dallas Area Professional Photographers' Association. She was one of the last ones to stand and talk with us, and was even brought to tears as she flipped through Kaitlyn's pictures. She said that she would invite Mallie and the other coordinator to come talk at their next meeting, but I'm not really sure if that ever happened.
       I didn't expect it to be that hard listening to people say no, but the truth is I left there feeling sad but also incredibly grateful. Now that I know how difficult it is to recruit photographers for those positions, I know that we were extremely lucky to have Mallie be so available for us. She captured some of the most precious memories that we have of our sweet Kaitlyn, and she was at the hospital so incredibly quickly it was a little ridiculous.